Ice makes cold reflections

Muse I ask you do not be so fickle
Please show me your care and great beauty
For from this pen the ink does not trickle
And this ached heart has lost its duty
Great was the day we danced and dined
Better the nights which gave us spark
Moonlight strolls crisp air your hand in mine
Things that were beautiful go bump in the dark
Stranger those feelings the day you left
Feelings of which since i have never known
Left me for dying without any breath
Cruel was the emotion that was shown
For I was but a boy without any favor
Young and scared just frightened of shadows
This bitter taste I can and shall not savor
Or give it passageway upon hallowed
Muse I beg of you please do reunite
The spark of your energy with my soul
For to the death I swear I would fight
For these two halves to finally be whole

Random

Random how tacit these feelings
Alone at the bustop crying
Into the scarf wrapped so tightly
across your nose and your mouth
Pain from all those creepy feelings
that come over you in a flash
They dissapear like the tailights
in the distance always returning
at you on your way down the path.
Random I can't stop falling
On my face and cutting my lip
Bruising my pride just a little bit
a slight crush to this mans ego
Random the answer to those questions
Random this is about all I know
you seem so lost and fragile random
Random I'm just a little fragile too
i think we might all be fragile
random in these bus stop blues

beautiful ?

I sit in a room with a view. Dripping wet with the sweat of another damn nightmare. There was this girl and she wanted to give me love. Something I just can't accept. Why does she always visit me in the night? If she only knew how I felt. What I was. She would not be here lying next with me; a liar, a thief, a breaker of hearts and promises. I am selfish destroyer of all things beautiful. Was in Kansas City once, a person I met in an elevator told me how beautiful the city was. I wanted to see what they saw. All I saw was burnt out buildings, grown over ivied walls. There were abandoned cars and shopping cart houses. Beautiful not a word I can describe from the memory of my own eyes. When I hear it I think of childbirth, of meadows in far away spaces, places I could only read about in national geographic. I have seen the pictures. They are beautiful. They are honest. They are not inside this room. They are outside far away from me but next to you. I search for a towel to wipe away this pain dripping off my face. I pray for help. I pray for something meaningful. Something a little more beautiful

I'm Hurt

She came into my life, cut me like a knife,
Opened up old wounds, that I cannot close, stitches,
They flip switches, puts me in ditches
I'm lost and I'm hurt
Cloudy day, please roll away, I don't want you to stay
My hearts been bleeding, I'm begging and pleading
On my knees and I'm hurt
I cannot afford, to be closed up and boarded, endlessly transported
Can't find a place, to be alone and safe, need you to save
Can't you see I'm hurt
Tricked myself into thinking, this strong inkling, been drinking
Gets me insane, takes away this pain, oh I can't explain
That I'm hurt
Let this crazy thing go, before the world explodes, under heavy load
Change in scenery changes something in me
Baby Stop this hurt
Smile put on my face, in another place, to win this race
No more endless falling, voices calling
No more hurt

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ?

All I have to give that cannot be held.
All that I wish to hold cannot be gotten.
The two forces in my life they push and pull
One is my mind, the other is my soul.
Wanting to be next to you right now
Next minute wanting to turn and run.
Running around in complete circles
As I blindly look straight into the sun.
Thinking for a moment I can replace
Those feelings that I have of you, with her
You take up the thoughts in my broken heart
there can be no repair to make it thru the day
With out your sweet breath in my ear
Your smile that can beat back the rain
Nothing is working, I am getting nowhere
Forever I am stuck chasing you in a dream
A cloud of white that fills my head
This source of energy, forever lasting
Long after my body is dead.

Music

some coool cats


Thatss the day

Space and time

The sun is setting toward the western sky
this might be last night of our acquaintance
the misty morning brings with it painful goodbyes
before we part may i ask of you the honor

A dance in the twilight would be my request
It doesn't necessarily have to be slow
all though the stars and the mood might suggest
See my feet are anxious and they want to go

and if i listen to them i just might miss
the opportunity to say what i need
and all that could be is just a gentle kiss
a second of tenderness between you and me

As our eyes lock in loves shackles
we break open that final link
a wonderful kind of freedom
we get from the release

no longer forced to pretend
that this energy is fake
my heart it tries to bend
feels good to let go of the break

If I am wrong and in the morning
the magic between us has gone
then i will be greatly saddened
for my search has been hard and long

See the sun its starting to fade
don't let this moment disappear too
right here right now is why i was made
to be in this moonlight with you

For You Especially

Flower that grew in cold ground,
Chasing the morning dew across the grass.
A sad moment of realization
when bullet hits bone and yesterday is forever gone,
holding that moment like a torn ticket at the turnstile.
I sit in wonder not amazement ,
at how fastly it just came and went.

Lady Greyhound

Bloody, battered, scattered and strewn about
In open field you made me your quarry
An open invitation for all to see
Your claws and your fangs in all their glory
With your viciousness you prised my soul
Yet the shackles gripped even tighter
And so I sought out something new a change
A love of which I could achieve even higher
You refused to let me come back from the dead
Saw me with my face pressed towards the sky
Foolish me I took your hand as I walked the ledge
On a moment you made your final point
I was naught if but a certain kind of weak
Snickered sly showing the slightest of teeth
As once again I plummeted into the deep

mixed

Naked and raw
I told you I loved you today
You were silent and I guess that means your thinking
It was not said to get an answer
Just me saying how I was feeling
Misinterpretation I hope there is none
Maybe I should not have used a word like love
But then would you feel me ?
If I said I feel you
Sorry if you can’t feel the way I do
Should I be punished for what comes naturally?
I feel your energy every time I come near
I am just a portal and you pass through me
I would rather be like a brick wall
repelling all these feelings
Instead I absorb everything
and don’t always now what to say
So forgive me if this sets you back
It’s not meant to be an attack
Just a bit of a peek
Into the depth of my soul

bunnies and such

Someone said "Ryan how come you never write any love poetry". Well I replied "All I do is write love poetry"."Well how come you never talk about happy things, like flowers and sunshine,chocolates and bunnies".

"Oh you want me to write about bunnies and chocolates, stuff like flowers and sunshine".

You mean a love poem a bona fide love poem. Well Friend, Here you go.



The flowers wilted you left behind on the table

i got them just a day too late

The sun came out sometime later that afternoon

guess i can blame fate

it melted the chocolate on the front seat

what a terrible mess

nothing can survive this intense heat

would be my guess

As I sit here feeling all kinds of funny

I can only help but laugh

at least this valentines day i didnt get you a bunny.

My She(L)

My Sisters 35th birthday today, I wrote this with her in mind some time ago.
Took a walk on a sandy beach
The crashing waves danced at my feet
A Rusty Pelican flew by
with a twinkle in his eye
Gulls laughed as they circled overhead.
Sea shells chipped to perfection
Kites dancing in the wind
Saturated salt air burning my nose hair
Kiddie castles melting with the tide
Then something hit me from out of nowhere
It was driftwood from an old tree
Smacked me in the head
Knocked me of my feet
Covered me up like i was dead
There I was trapped beneath the wood
I mean I was completely stuck
Started to use f words
They all ended in uck
Not a beachcomber heard my shout
Gave it all my lungpower
Nothing came out
But a little weeze
The crabs got interested
as did the sand fleas
Saw a sea lion asked him to help please
With whiskers all glistening wet
He said "Dear sir let me get my net"
He disappeared and came back in a flash
Net in hand to save my ass
“before I do this make me a promise”
whatever you want im being honest
He replied "There is a girl that is part fish"
Oh sounds like a tasty dish
A matter of fact she is
But she is in love with a squid.
Not a problem, just get this wood off of me
then with his net and his tail
I was saved from my drift hell
And I made it to my feet
I said old boy here is the key
If you and the mermaid are to be happy
Tell her you love her each day
And never a day can go by
When you don’t tell her the reason why
And with that the sea lion did
And won the mermaid from the squid

Charley Pride/ Queen Latifah

Happy Bday Charley



Happy Bday Latifah

sterealization

Soul searching for a kismet equation

Quest of fools on a painstaking journey

A variable my heart became a victim

As the answers they came rather quickly

Requited for another mans transgression

A jagged smooth how very well he traveled

I played the dupe by my own admission

Her damage and despair they unraveled

Guardian I was placed over this treasure

As was this cross which was made mine to bear

To be carried great lengths and to any measure

Destiny and fortune juxtaposed with fear

Nightstand

I took your picture off my nightstand
Per the request from the cup of change
You have been gone forever it seems
in spite of spite the Polaroid remained
I left your sapphire ring in its place
the pale blue was a perfect reminder
I put your lipstick on for the taste
I picked up the phone at lunch and listened
there was only static on the other end
I went to a movie and watched it alone
drank a glass of wine till the bottle was gone
I set the alarm an hour early
so I could hold onto the shadow
and the pillow where you use to be
perfectly still with this broken heart
that and a ring and a picture
is what you left me

Oh Grrl

Oh girl, my love is like an ink quill.
Steadies my shaking, trembling hand
It writes and it bleeds at your will
I’m just a soldier at its, command

People, fall in love all of the time
Me, I just always, seem to fall
Never, ever getting out of my mind
Somehow feeling, oh so small

Ventured outside for a daydream
Walked on a long leash in the park
Thought of you all day long, it seemed
Only went inside when it got dark

Made it upstairs, to my bedroom
Played an old Clash, B-side
Sat alone in the quiet of my, gloom
Dipping in the well, just to stay alive

I wrote a letter it don't mean nothing
Only some words and, they rhyme
I somehow, keep on forgetting
That I need just a little more, time

little i gone

The face I see in the mirror
is somebody Else's reflection
I raise my hand to touch him
He turns away as if he is ashamed
eyes that use to sparkle dead and faded
lips over clenched teeth
Defiance deepens the lines on his face
what happened? I woke up one day
and i was gone without a trace
no note no goodbye
the me that was has vanished
sometimes I'm sad
sad that i'm not coming back

Breathe

I sit at the table drinking this cold cup of coffee, you sit across from me feel even colder. There was a time when you wanted to see the sunrise in my eyes. I know things have changed in me. I don’t know what has changed in you. I can not bare this pain any longer so you got to let me know the truth. Look away if this is really over. Nod your head if you want me gone. Touch my hand if you still want me, breathe I love you and here I will stay.
It has been two years since we first met, do you remember that rained out stormy night? You trying to hail a cab with your umbrella blowing sideways, I was caught on the corner with you, saved your umbrella so we could share a ride. You were going somewhere I just needed some sleep. You told me I was wet and pitiful. I shook off like a big old dog. What was the name of that nightclub? Peppers I think, man it was dark there, and do you remember how warm it was. We threw are socks on the back of the booth, Well at least my socks, you stuck your hands inside my shirt told me some story about Eskimos and frostbite. You went on and on for hours I just smiled and chuckled. That was until the tab came; those bourbons were a bit spendy. That second cab came just hours later but still we couldn’t part, said something about cheap whiskey and the keys to your heart. Did not have to split the cab fare, haven’t had to much since then, don’t want to start right now. Baby do us both a favor just breathe

hugo the hippo

Right now I have been trying to locate old cartoons on D.V.D., I watched this movie sometime around 1983. I think my babysitter might have been stoned.The Village People sharks are classic.The artist website is pretty cool.http://www.billfeigenbaumpaintings.com/

Color by numbers

These days it seems I am surrounded
By various eastern religions
Dharma and chakras they have me thinking
More and more about reincarnation
In past lives what was my position
Was I a tiny little worker ant?
A pillager of Sunday picnics
Was I a lion king of the jungle?
A predator of incredible strength
Was I a camel in a desert caravan?
A tireless mode of transportation
Was I a dog on along the road?
Begging strangers for scraps
Was I a woman with bosom?
All the way to her lap
Was I a pig living high in the sty?
Waiting to be sizzling bacon
Was I a king with a court?
With all the treasures in life
After a little thought and consternation
I was probably exactly the same. how depressing

melancholera

Behind closed doors in the silence of my room.
I sit locked in a quiet desperation.
I am continuously flipping the pillow over onto its cold side.
Only thing that matches my innermost feeling
is the grey sky painted on the window outside.
I draw the blinds closed
try to escape
there is no avoiding this.
The sun plays an elusive foe
trapped in the wrong mood.
Extract
the most vanilla of feelings,
a matter of indifference
no matter of dealing.
I know nothing is wrong and yet nothing is right,
stuck between solutions.
I want to surrender and yet still fight.
Give in to the most noble of ideas
self preservation.
Every time I do it leads
to self degradation.
A simple answer
probably would suffice.
Then I would be listening
to my own advice.
That’s a tough pill to swallow.
Look where that’s gotten me so far
stuck in a room flipping pillows
and feeling hollow.

nothing to understand

I read the things he wrote, the beauty of his words. How perfect he layed down his feelings. I wondered why it made you run. Were you scared of the truth, written on small pieces of paper? Pieces of ones heart given to another. I never understood him, so I could never really understand you. He had a way of saying things of pulling on heartstrings. You had a way of getting it twisted. He put everything above you. Yet you felt it was beneath you. I never understood you so I could never really understand him. I thought you and him were perfect, a one in a million chance. Then again, nothing is perfect except for nothing. I never understood nothing, no not even a bit.

Whereas

I come about my inspirations rather innately
Ability to reach in to my soul and grasp it
Your love is different and because, I suffer greatly.
An animated object with colorful fills
Makes my eyes happy but my heart it kills
I tried to tell you how I was feeling
My ways are much different I suppose
With a low card I have never been good dealing
I '‘ve tried to change my awkward approach
Certain subjects like rain I do not broach
And still it comes down dogs and cats
A sort of humane society of conversation
Fiction seems to avoid certain facts
So I leave all those moments alone,
guessing if I came off cool or imposing