A Troubadours Lisp

_ h_t _ _ _ _

2010-01-28T13:08:00.000-08:00

immediately did i recognize
mirrors filled with loneliness and hunger
cold blue stammering had me mesmerized
oh boy what they must have been like younger
i wish i could have stared at them longer
before the world blackened a little blank
dulled just a bit, shade grey out of anger
some things other than hearts and ankles break
so from this brief passing glance did i take

Stop Thief

2009-08-08T11:52:00.000-07:00

I gave you a name today, thief
to call you robber would be grave
pickpocket would work, i think
if the pocket was on my chest
but what would i do with my hands
by my side is no place to be
they would just end up like my shoes
rather my gaze going straight to you
take the aorta since its already yours
im going to bequeath you my eyes
you can have my tongue for kissing
allthough its known more for its lies
you see it wasnt that hard thief
and all you had to do was ask
instead your in and out of pocket
with barely a beggars chance

Ballard of Ballad Bear

2009-06-04T11:39:00.001-07:00

They said that the bear was lonely
He had lost all even his home
I tend to think he was just bored
And that’s why he always roamed

How else can you explain Ballard?
Or even Fremont for that matter
I mean sure there are garbage cans
Lots of which he could scatter

But the influx of young yuppies
Cat people I am pretty certain
They couldn’t handle a black bear
Much less a very large puppy

The Lochs would be so inviting
With all the salmon lining up
Swinging by old Woodland Park
Growling at a cousin "what sup"

What if the two of us switched places?
Where would I go? How would I survive?
Wander in this town with no faces
Or head to the wilderness to stay alive

I would have walked north to Lynwood
Where the mullets would help hide
A t-top Camaro or a van
Might stop and offer a ride

Hang a right at Alderwood
Mosey up on Interstate five
Stopped off on Quil Ceda Avenue
And on black let it all ride

My pockets a little fatter
I head out for the Skagit valley
Walk through some fields of tulips
Eating berries too many to tally

I make it across the border
Canada she embraces me
Because I don’t want to fight
And never been convicted of a felony

I wait in line to see my doctor
And ask for a lifetime prescription
Government grown honeycomb
Takes care of all my afflictions

trix

2009-06-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

meetings refused by circumstance
a certain sideways stare
from the corner of an eye
energy force created glance
smiles shyly entertained
with the imagined conversation
you say but of course
as my jokes make you chuckle
you tell me your story
i cant help but listen
something abruptly gets in the way
your moving ever closer
my stomach is sinking
as my mind is running away
line started with a single response
something easy please like yes or no
just so my awkwardness isn't lost
and my swollen tongue has a place to go
Wish came sooner than expected
not quite how i thought it to end
now I'm thinking threesome
Yes, You have beautiful girlfriend

A christmas Tale

2009-05-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

It must have been a yuletide sign, a Christmas gift, although it wasn’t on my list. A least not this year, I have to blame it on the espresso. There I was standing under the awning in the rain. I was just waiting for that cup of drip. Coffee always calmed me down. I had other things on my mind, some damn Christmas Past trip. She was in front of me looking all fragile, a little frozen and soaked. I felt like Ebenezer the Bah humbug old scrooge in my peacoat. She was checking her list I think to see if I was naughty or nice. If she had only felt the coal in my socks she probably would have ran like Rudolph. The fact is I had been neither. I had spent the year stuck, stuck in the office, stuck in the elevator, stuck in traffic, stuck with a lawyer. I asked her if she wanted to go halves on a cab…she heard halves on the tab and replied my coffee is only three bucks. I step a bit closer and dipped down my shoulder and said “C-A-B. A cab”. Oh you mean a taxi, I’m so glad you asked me because I’m dripping wet. Yeah I know what you mean I’ve been through the wringer too. But that’s another story and we don’t have all night. She gave me a wink and then said” Maybe M-A-Y-B-E we do”.

.. ..My head started racing I got to the sidewalk and stuck my hand out. See I hate outs, last outs, down and outs, and definitely hand outs. A Radio cab pulled up just my luck, the cab with the Christmas lights. I think his name tag said Singh he was playing Indian/English Christmas songs. I was imagining a Bollywood version of A Christmas Story, with little Hajji getting a Red Rider B.B. gun. I didn’t know that they believed in Jesus and I wondered what he look like in the manger with a little dot on his head. Figured they probably bought into the whole nativity scene what with the spices and all. He and Miss Mocha chino were deeply entrenched in a conversation about holiday transportation. Fuck it, I just wished I had a sled she was talking to him about three wise men and he had a small pearl of advice. He said that this time of the year was hard for him what with his family in ....Bombay..... And that this time next year they would be on there way here, but for right now all he could do is just turn on the light in his cab. The light and the holiday spirit then would be in his cab during his whole shift.

Then something turned on that minute in my head. I looked at the girl then looked at St. Singh. I said pullover He asked why? I have a notion to do something good and let me tell you, brother that does not happen as often as it should. Not often at all actually. He pulled over in front of the Library handful of bums sought shelter in the marble doorways. I looked at the rain as it poured sideways and waded over to the cardboard castles. I pulled out my last fistful of cheddar. Happy New Year and Merry Xmas time now don’t go and spend every last dime. That looked at me like I was a nut straight of grandmas fruittcake, fact was at that moment I pretty sure I was. I turned back to the cab and it was gone.

Jager

2009-05-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

Way down on the corner,I met her in a smoky little spot, .
We hooked up in the alley, by the back door of a chinese restaraunt,
Down the street from the house of blues, i left with only one shoe.
Couldn't get a name, just that she was from cali, and lost a boyfriend on the way here.
Spinning like toyride along for a joyride not paying a lick of dues
sock was soaking, zipper was busted, a little tear in my heart
Feel so bad, feel like i got used,thank god i didnt lose my wallet, just a shoe
Fumbled for the handle on the front door, fell asleep on the front porch.
Woke up completely frozen tried to lite a smoke, felt like a torch.
Never have i been so willing to go the distance than at that instant.
Never have i been so reckless with a urge,went down to bathroom to purge
Lifted the toilet seat as a token,since it had long been broken.
Out came the jager with some extra flavor general tsao chicken i think
Chinese food is good except when youve had too much too drink.

something like goodbye

2009-04-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

Goodbye is never the way I intended this to go, thought I would be here from hello

How bittersweet you will never know, the thing deep down I cannot show.

Missed it all if not for a dream, so sad the leaving it seems

Told myself I wouldn’t cry, but I’ve told myself a million lies.

Roads that lead back, roads that appear blocked

Roads paved in gold, roads they provide the hardest knocks.

Just wanted to sit here in all this, feel you through me

Connection still around all though I am the one who is lost.

So as the past widens, the path gets a little more narrow.

lost and drowned

2009-04-22T17:49:00.000-07:00

Over land i did travel in hopes of escaping
you and your painful memory
airports and bus stops, here and there stations
the further away the closer i got to me.
looked across the desert at the sand as it drifted
making shapes like that of your face
grabbed a handful of grains and watched them slip through my fingers
in silent soliloquy.
kept moving to get to that unihabitated zone the space they call alone
stood at waters edge and shouted profanities at the ocean
certain the waves would crash in to me
angry and bitter like bridesmaid dress without a reception
the long walk was just a deception
sat on a rock and cried a tear that wouldnt stop falling
took out a pencil and wrote it all down
sometimes lost is love that can never be found

undone by unrequited

2009-04-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

Undone by unrequited,
Put a expectation on a feeling
Could not had known
How it might have ended
I pushed you away, only because you cared
You were the victim
Because you were there
In hindsight it was I to blame
You were but a symptom
Of my deepest shame
Unable to love like you needed
Or so I thought,
Obsession with a mind
A yearning with my heart
I could ask you to forgive
But your answer I would refuse
I can't accept me for me
So I don't know what good it could do
Just know that inside of me
You will always be a piece

Junkmail

2009-04-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

So I’m sitting in this dark room, smoking cigarette after cigarette after cigarette. Staring at the pile of mail on the table. Left behind junkmail, junk that I have to answer, his junk. But then again I am wearing his clothes, his shoes, Christ, This might even be his bathrobe. Moved in on another mans turf, or am I just keeping the seat warm? So he can go sow his oats, sleep with some secretary or hooker, do fat lines of whatever, never having to check in while checking out . I remember I think , what that used to be like, to be free of things, things like commitment, things like meeting your obnoxious co workers at the bar, And not the cool downtown bar with its dim light, backbooths and jukebox full of blues, The uptown one with the yuppies and their bluetooths and never ending vain chatter. Things like love, things like forgetting that your favorite color is yellow, not mustard yellow but bright fucking canary yellow. The yellow that reminds me of bathroom stalls and jailhouse walls, and all those, late late night trips to the E.R.. Things like time , Remember that time when You said “lets take it slow “ Then the next morning you wrote I love you on the mirror in Red lipstick. Should have been a stop sign, a flag ,a god damn warning, right there. Things like Freedom, The freedom to fly away, To escape, to set sail. To be free like that B.M.W. on the autobahn, in the commercial, aimed at the friends, with the Bluetooth surrounded by yellow walls that sing those blues, To be free oh to be free But then who would be wearing our clothes ,our shoes ,Christ, even our bathrobe, Hell who would even answer the mail.

Man Man video (hilarious)

2009-04-10T09:29:00.000-07:00

Two Dope Homeboys

2009-04-09T01:17:00.000-07:00

Love the beatbox and patton....well its just mike

Double Shot

Barette Theory

2009-04-08T01:31:00.000-07:00

I used to believe in the barrette theory. As it was told to me when I was young, the only way to protect you against the evil charms of school girls was to collect their barrettes and mail them in like proofs of purchase to an undisclosed address. Many a recess I labored with Erik Nilsson on the playground collecting our salvation. On the merry go round, during dodge ball, under the monkey bars. You see me and Erik did not want to go the way of our friends Gregg and Travis, they fell under the spell of these girls and turned sissy. They would do unspeakable things like stay in at recess and go read books in the library. We had lost our war playing buddies, our football brethren. Gregg had been the champion rock thrower in the neighborhood and Travis lived by the swamp, okay it was really a storm drain culvert, but that is where life happened it did not happen riding banana seat bikes and jumping rope. At all costs we had to get our friends back. Since I had a boatload of sisters I cheated a little and swiped a handful of these barrettes. When we had collected fifty which seemed like a good number we took the hair hooks to Njord Erik’s older brother. He had been the one who told us of the secret. He was smoking out of Erik’s parents ashtray and listening to Twisted Sister. He asked us to show him what we collected. He congratulated us on our prized booty and got out a stamped envelope. “Now run down to the Post office and drop it in the mail slot, you should hear something back in a few weeks”. We jumped on our bikes and completed the delivery. Excited we were for our friends would be back shortly. Every day we would check the mailbox hoping for a package. Nothing came except for Erin. Erin moved into school right after Halloween a notoriously bad time, that’s when the school girls would take advantage of you. You were coming down off of your sugar high weak unable to defend yourself. She sat right next to Erik, the humanity, she was there with her scissors and paste and white bread sandwiches sometimes she even had Capri suns it was not long before Erik started to want to go to the library. I was alone now, a schoolyard pariah. I tried to collect more barrettes, double my efforts , to no avail. It was too hard yanking on a girls hair by yourself. I went through my black stage. My world had crumbled. I sat by myself ignoring the world as it went by. Hoping for a communist invasion, at least I could play war.

Childliked

2009-04-07T01:10:00.000-07:00

Bogged down in velvet I swam
mirror on the wall showed me who i am
Lost in a world so busy spinning
outside of the box was i living
Cold asphalt served as my bed
head full of resentments with hate i fed
unable to escape my innermost child
the one with the hatchet that was running wild
Screaming for justice screaming for love
Screaming for help from some god above
Who loves this child with the bluest of eyes
that crumbles apart every time you cry
Who wants to eat your pain and hurt till its gone
Who wants everyone just to get along
Who had some dreams but know they are buried
deep down inside where it is scary
Who cant play anymore in the mud and the dirt
forever been scarred by the pain and hurt

Dickel My Fancy

2009-04-04T00:15:00.000-07:00

cigarette between my thumb and fingers
a calm comes over the length of me
a tumbler full of tennessee whiskey
taking away the pain that still lingers

a vinyl record thats been scratched to hell
plays you over and over and over again
about your cheatin heart and where its been
loneliness is the space of which i dwell

daylight would probably do my skin good
a cold shower maybe even a shave
a minute of sleep havent slept in days
if i could get up and move i would

cigarette pressed against my cracked lips
I take an inhale deep down in my chest
throw away the tumbler and drink the rest
i tilt back my head and close my eyelids

flip the record over for the last time
crush the smoke out on the living room floor
realizing i cant take this anymore
pull the trigger on a victimless crime

Friday and polliwogs

2009-04-03T00:59:00.000-07:00

bumble bumble

2009-04-03T00:55:00.000-07:00

bumble bumble
Such was my luck to be stuck
In a rote of heartbreak
She went walking past out of my grasp
And into the next sidewalk cafe
Unable to move a smidge or a flinch
I was looking a little out of place
I peered in the window like a bumbling wino
Only to be politely turned away
I crossed the street to find some peace
Instead found a very large puddle
I splashed like a seal before a meal
My feet were now in trouble
The sludge from the mud weighed
Exactly a ton on my boots
I asked St. Dymphna for help
She said the point was probably moot
I dug some change out of my pocket
Gathered lint and a Canadian coin
Along with two pieces of gum
That from the heat had been joined
My lopsided pants did a dance
As my hip bone started to shake
A hopeless case of even worse timing
Incidents of rejection such as these
To others might be alarming.
I got on the bus to the drivers cuss
And a few complaints about malodor
Now if they would only thank me
For once again being their transit fodder

Obtuse

2009-04-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

Fooled myself into thinking I was normal

That my insides were not damaged

Did many things based on that assumption

Now I’m stuck in this dark space

And for the first time in my life I’m scared

What will become of me as I start to slide?

Deeper into this madness this chaos

Trying to figure out how to say goodbye

A little note seems a bit informal

The words would make me cry

Though sometimes it isn’t what it seems

No longer can I be a victim of these

Cold feeling schemes

Plans which I had no business receiving

On the outset just another trigger

A vicious attack brought on by me

Life long lived doesn’t really figure

Lonely nights and days like these

My only company is my inner demons

Who don’t ever want to leave

Sweet Juliet

2009-04-01T02:28:00.000-07:00

Where have all the sweet Juliet’s gone?
All the princess' to rescue, the maids to save.
A woman’s gift use to be more defined.
As was the troubadour part I had to play.
Not that I was ever much of an actor.
Wasn’t much of a factor on the main stage?
If I could go back to the days of Arthur
When chivalry was alive joust with evil princes
Slay fire breathing dragons and to ride
Atop an unpronounceable white steed
Through the marshes the meadows and the dales.
Listen to minstrels sing my story accompanied by a lyre.
Guinevere wouldn't run from this mans passion
Excalibur would be pulled from the stone.
I live in the techno age the dark ones are well past gone.
What is good for only some is not meant to last
I still have my pen which lets me sit and fret
opine at all the many things come to past
And write this lament for a sweet Juliet.

Ice makes cold reflections

2009-03-31T02:27:00.000-07:00

Muse I ask you do not be so fickle
Please show me your care and great beauty
For from this pen the ink does not trickle
And this ached heart has lost its duty
Great was the day we danced and dined
Better the nights which gave us spark
Moonlight strolls crisp air your hand in mine
Things that were beautiful go bump in the dark
Stranger those feelings the day you left
Feelings of which since i have never known
Left me for dying without any breath
Cruel was the emotion that was shown
For I was but a boy without any favor
Young and scared just frightened of shadows
This bitter taste I can and shall not savor
Or give it passageway upon hallowed
Muse I beg of you please do reunite
The spark of your energy with my soul
For to the death I swear I would fight
For these two halves to finally be whole

Random

2009-03-29T02:25:00.000-07:00

Random how tacit these feelings
Alone at the bustop crying
Into the scarf wrapped so tightly
across your nose and your mouth
Pain from all those creepy feelings
that come over you in a flash
They dissapear like the tailights
in the distance always returning
at you on your way down the path.
Random I can't stop falling
On my face and cutting my lip
Bruising my pride just a little bit
a slight crush to this mans ego
Random the answer to those questions
Random this is about all I know
you seem so lost and fragile random
Random I'm just a little fragile too
i think we might all be fragile
random in these bus stop blues

beautiful ?

2009-03-27T02:42:00.000-07:00

I sit in a room with a view. Dripping wet with the sweat of another damn nightmare. There was this girl and she wanted to give me love. Something I just can't accept. Why does she always visit me in the night? If she only knew how I felt. What I was. She would not be here lying next with me; a liar, a thief, a breaker of hearts and promises. I am selfish destroyer of all things beautiful. Was in Kansas City once, a person I met in an elevator told me how beautiful the city was. I wanted to see what they saw. All I saw was burnt out buildings, grown over ivied walls. There were abandoned cars and shopping cart houses. Beautiful not a word I can describe from the memory of my own eyes. When I hear it I think of childbirth, of meadows in far away spaces, places I could only read about in national geographic. I have seen the pictures. They are beautiful. They are honest. They are not inside this room. They are outside far away from me but next to you. I search for a towel to wipe away this pain dripping off my face. I pray for help. I pray for something meaningful. Something a little more beautiful

I'm Hurt

2009-03-26T02:22:00.000-07:00

She came into my life, cut me like a knife,
Opened up old wounds, that I cannot close, stitches,
They flip switches, puts me in ditches
I'm lost and I'm hurt
Cloudy day, please roll away, I don't want you to stay
My hearts been bleeding, I'm begging and pleading
On my knees and I'm hurt
I cannot afford, to be closed up and boarded, endlessly transported
Can't find a place, to be alone and safe, need you to save
Can't you see I'm hurt
Tricked myself into thinking, this strong inkling, been drinking
Gets me insane, takes away this pain, oh I can't explain
That I'm hurt
Let this crazy thing go, before the world explodes, under heavy load
Change in scenery changes something in me
Baby Stop this hurt
Smile put on my face, in another place, to win this race
No more endless falling, voices calling
No more hurt

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ?

2009-03-25T02:21:00.000-07:00

All I have to give that cannot be held.
All that I wish to hold cannot be gotten.
The two forces in my life they push and pull
One is my mind, the other is my soul.
Wanting to be next to you right now
Next minute wanting to turn and run.
Running around in complete circles
As I blindly look straight into the sun.
Thinking for a moment I can replace
Those feelings that I have of you, with her
You take up the thoughts in my broken heart
there can be no repair to make it thru the day
With out your sweet breath in my ear
Your smile that can beat back the rain
Nothing is working, I am getting nowhere
Forever I am stuck chasing you in a dream
A cloud of white that fills my head
This source of energy, forever lasting
Long after my body is dead.

Music

2009-03-24T23:18:00.000-07:00

some coool cats

Thatss the day

Space and time

2009-03-24T10:02:00.001-07:00

The sun is setting toward the western sky
this might be last night of our acquaintance
the misty morning brings with it painful goodbyes
before we part may i ask of you the honor

A dance in the twilight would be my request
It doesn't necessarily have to be slow
all though the stars and the mood might suggest
See my feet are anxious and they want to go

and if i listen to them i just might miss
the opportunity to say what i need
and all that could be is just a gentle kiss
a second of tenderness between you and me

As our eyes lock in loves shackles
we break open that final link
a wonderful kind of freedom
we get from the release

no longer forced to pretend
that this energy is fake
my heart it tries to bend
feels good to let go of the break

If I am wrong and in the morning
the magic between us has gone
then i will be greatly saddened
for my search has been hard and long

See the sun its starting to fade
don't let this moment disappear too
right here right now is why i was made
to be in this moonlight with you

For You Especially

2009-03-23T02:39:00.000-07:00

Flower that grew in cold ground,
Chasing the morning dew across the grass.
A sad moment of realization
when bullet hits bone and yesterday is forever gone,
holding that moment like a torn ticket at the turnstile.
I sit in wonder not amazement ,
at how fastly it just came and went.

Lady Greyhound

2009-03-22T01:46:00.000-07:00

Bloody, battered, scattered and strewn about
In open field you made me your quarry
An open invitation for all to see
Your claws and your fangs in all their glory
With your viciousness you prised my soul
Yet the shackles gripped even tighter
And so I sought out something new a change
A love of which I could achieve even higher
You refused to let me come back from the dead
Saw me with my face pressed towards the sky
Foolish me I took your hand as I walked the ledge
On a moment you made your final point
I was naught if but a certain kind of weak
Snickered sly showing the slightest of teeth
As once again I plummeted into the deep

mixed

2009-03-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

Naked and raw
I told you I loved you today
You were silent and I guess that means your thinking
It was not said to get an answer
Just me saying how I was feeling
Misinterpretation I hope there is none
Maybe I should not have used a word like love
But then would you feel me ?
If I said I feel you
Sorry if you can’t feel the way I do
Should I be punished for what comes naturally?
I feel your energy every time I come near
I am just a portal and you pass through me
I would rather be like a brick wall
repelling all these feelings
Instead I absorb everything
and don’t always now what to say
So forgive me if this sets you back
It’s not meant to be an attack
Just a bit of a peek
Into the depth of my soul

bunnies and such

2009-03-20T00:47:00.000-07:00

Someone said "Ryan how come you never write any love poetry". Well I replied "All I do is write love poetry"."Well how come you never talk about happy things, like flowers and sunshine,chocolates and bunnies".

"Oh you want me to write about bunnies and chocolates, stuff like flowers and sunshine".

You mean a love poem a bona fide love poem. Well Friend, Here you go.

The flowers wilted you left behind on the table

i got them just a day too late

The sun came out sometime later that afternoon

guess i can blame fate

it melted the chocolate on the front seat

what a terrible mess

nothing can survive this intense heat

would be my guess

As I sit here feeling all kinds of funny

I can only help but laugh

at least this valentines day i didnt get you a bunny.

My She(L)

2009-03-19T01:35:00.000-07:00

My Sisters 35th birthday today, I wrote this with her in mind some time ago.
Took a walk on a sandy beach
The crashing waves danced at my feet
A Rusty Pelican flew by
with a twinkle in his eye
Gulls laughed as they circled overhead.
Sea shells chipped to perfection
Kites dancing in the wind
Saturated salt air burning my nose hair
Kiddie castles melting with the tide
Then something hit me from out of nowhere
It was driftwood from an old tree
Smacked me in the head
Knocked me of my feet
Covered me up like i was dead
There I was trapped beneath the wood
I mean I was completely stuck
Started to use f words
They all ended in uck
Not a beachcomber heard my shout
Gave it all my lungpower
Nothing came out
But a little weeze
The crabs got interested
as did the sand fleas
Saw a sea lion asked him to help please
With whiskers all glistening wet
He said "Dear sir let me get my net"
He disappeared and came back in a flash
Net in hand to save my ass
“before I do this make me a promise”
whatever you want im being honest
He replied "There is a girl that is part fish"
Oh sounds like a tasty dish
A matter of fact she is
But she is in love with a squid.
Not a problem, just get this wood off of me
then with his net and his tail
I was saved from my drift hell
And I made it to my feet
I said old boy here is the key
If you and the mermaid are to be happy
Tell her you love her each day
And never a day can go by
When you don’t tell her the reason why
And with that the sea lion did
And won the mermaid from the squid

Charley Pride/ Queen Latifah

2009-03-18T01:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Bday Charley

Happy Bday Latifah

sterealization

2009-03-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

Soul searching for a kismet equation

Quest of fools on a painstaking journey

A variable my heart became a victim

As the answers they came rather quickly

Requited for another mans transgression

A jagged smooth how very well he traveled

I played the dupe by my own admission

Her damage and despair they unraveled

Guardian I was placed over this treasure

As was this cross which was made mine to bear

To be carried great lengths and to any measure

Destiny and fortune juxtaposed with fear

Nightstand

2009-03-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

I took your picture off my nightstand
Per the request from the cup of change
You have been gone forever it seems
in spite of spite the Polaroid remained
I left your sapphire ring in its place
the pale blue was a perfect reminder
I put your lipstick on for the taste
I picked up the phone at lunch and listened
there was only static on the other end
I went to a movie and watched it alone
drank a glass of wine till the bottle was gone
I set the alarm an hour early
so I could hold onto the shadow
and the pillow where you use to be
perfectly still with this broken heart
that and a ring and a picture
is what you left me

Oh Grrl

2009-03-13T00:08:00.000-07:00

Oh girl, my love is like an ink quill.
Steadies my shaking, trembling hand
It writes and it bleeds at your will
I’m just a soldier at its, command

People, fall in love all of the time
Me, I just always, seem to fall
Never, ever getting out of my mind
Somehow feeling, oh so small

Ventured outside for a daydream
Walked on a long leash in the park
Thought of you all day long, it seemed
Only went inside when it got dark

Made it upstairs, to my bedroom
Played an old Clash, B-side
Sat alone in the quiet of my, gloom
Dipping in the well, just to stay alive

I wrote a letter it don't mean nothing
Only some words and, they rhyme
I somehow, keep on forgetting
That I need just a little more, time

little i gone

2009-03-12T01:40:00.000-07:00

The face I see in the mirror
is somebody Else's reflection
I raise my hand to touch him
He turns away as if he is ashamed
eyes that use to sparkle dead and faded
lips over clenched teeth
Defiance deepens the lines on his face
what happened? I woke up one day
and i was gone without a trace
no note no goodbye
the me that was has vanished
sometimes I'm sad
sad that i'm not coming back

Breathe

2009-03-11T00:05:00.000-07:00

I sit at the table drinking this cold cup of coffee, you sit across from me feel even colder. There was a time when you wanted to see the sunrise in my eyes. I know things have changed in me. I don’t know what has changed in you. I can not bare this pain any longer so you got to let me know the truth. Look away if this is really over. Nod your head if you want me gone. Touch my hand if you still want me, breathe I love you and here I will stay.
It has been two years since we first met, do you remember that rained out stormy night? You trying to hail a cab with your umbrella blowing sideways, I was caught on the corner with you, saved your umbrella so we could share a ride. You were going somewhere I just needed some sleep. You told me I was wet and pitiful. I shook off like a big old dog. What was the name of that nightclub? Peppers I think, man it was dark there, and do you remember how warm it was. We threw are socks on the back of the booth, Well at least my socks, you stuck your hands inside my shirt told me some story about Eskimos and frostbite. You went on and on for hours I just smiled and chuckled. That was until the tab came; those bourbons were a bit spendy. That second cab came just hours later but still we couldn’t part, said something about cheap whiskey and the keys to your heart. Did not have to split the cab fare, haven’t had to much since then, don’t want to start right now. Baby do us both a favor just breathe

hugo the hippo

2009-03-10T01:11:00.000-07:00

Right now I have been trying to locate old cartoons on D.V.D., I watched this movie sometime around 1983. I think my babysitter might have been stoned.The Village People sharks are classic.The artist website is pretty cool.http://www.billfeigenbaumpaintings.com/

Color by numbers

2009-03-09T14:15:00.000-07:00

These days it seems I am surrounded
By various eastern religions
Dharma and chakras they have me thinking
More and more about reincarnation
In past lives what was my position
Was I a tiny little worker ant?
A pillager of Sunday picnics
Was I a lion king of the jungle?
A predator of incredible strength
Was I a camel in a desert caravan?
A tireless mode of transportation
Was I a dog on along the road?
Begging strangers for scraps
Was I a woman with bosom?
All the way to her lap
Was I a pig living high in the sty?
Waiting to be sizzling bacon
Was I a king with a court?
With all the treasures in life
After a little thought and consternation
I was probably exactly the same. how depressing

melancholera

2009-03-09T01:38:00.000-07:00

Behind closed doors in the silence of my room.
I sit locked in a quiet desperation.
I am continuously flipping the pillow over onto its cold side.
Only thing that matches my innermost feeling
is the grey sky painted on the window outside.
I draw the blinds closed
try to escape
there is no avoiding this.
The sun plays an elusive foe
trapped in the wrong mood.
Extract
the most vanilla of feelings,
a matter of indifference
no matter of dealing.
I know nothing is wrong and yet nothing is right,
stuck between solutions.
I want to surrender and yet still fight.
Give in to the most noble of ideas
self preservation.
Every time I do it leads
to self degradation.
A simple answer
probably would suffice.
Then I would be listening
to my own advice.
That’s a tough pill to swallow.
Look where that’s gotten me so far
stuck in a room flipping pillows
and feeling hollow.

nothing to understand

2009-03-07T02:48:00.000-08:00

I read the things he wrote, the beauty of his words. How perfect he layed down his feelings. I wondered why it made you run. Were you scared of the truth, written on small pieces of paper? Pieces of ones heart given to another. I never understood him, so I could never really understand you. He had a way of saying things of pulling on heartstrings. You had a way of getting it twisted. He put everything above you. Yet you felt it was beneath you. I never understood you so I could never really understand him. I thought you and him were perfect, a one in a million chance. Then again, nothing is perfect except for nothing. I never understood nothing, no not even a bit.

Whereas

2009-03-06T11:09:00.000-08:00

I come about my inspirations rather innately
Ability to reach in to my soul and grasp it
Your love is different and because, I suffer greatly.
An animated object with colorful fills
Makes my eyes happy but my heart it kills
I tried to tell you how I was feeling
My ways are much different I suppose
With a low card I have never been good dealing
I '‘ve tried to change my awkward approach
Certain subjects like rain I do not broach
And still it comes down dogs and cats
A sort of humane society of conversation
Fiction seems to avoid certain facts
So I leave all those moments alone,
guessing if I came off cool or imposing